Edging

My room is a mess

My head is a mess

I am a mess and

I don't know why do you even talk to me

I keep waiting for you to just go away

My psychic tells me I should take it slow

But I can't

I don't know how

I don't even know where to start

And I keep trying to but

It doesn't work

And my psyche tells me to be careful

Not to drown myself

To stay safe behind the line

Away from danger

Whatever the hell

That's supposed to mean

But this so said barrier doesn't even exist

It's a fairytale 

A lullaby I've been singing myself to sleep 

My entire life

And it's not working anymore

I haven't slept in months

I haven't slep in years

Safety isn't real anymore

I can feel it in my bones

And my psycho tells me

That if I'm already dead

There's no such thing as killing myself

It's just a matter of 

burying, burning, throwing on the sea,

tearing apart the rotting pieces,

Or better saying,

Taking a proper care of the meat.

I don't know why should I get scared

Of the living things

or unliving ones

If it's eternity my one true fear

The steps and voices,

crawling up a wall,

being threatened,

being yelled at,

tortured, physically, mentally, emotionally,

(death is truly my favorite)

being fucked, and hurt, terrified,

is nothing compared 

to the pain of being alive.

Lucky Dice

I smell cunt and weed

from my bathroom

And I suck people's dicks

I shouldn't be sucking

But it gets me higher

Than any drug

Well, at least I ain't 

Cutting my wrists off

So I guess it's a win, right?

I am succeeding 

I'm way better at this now

Than I used to be

But I guess I wish 

That I wasn't

The subconscious

Doesn't lie much

Does it?

I like the way she talks to me

And I try to be understanding but

What can I do about the gossip?

I bet they all gossip on our backs

I'm not very trusting

Well, people don't give me reasons

This is why is safer to be in silence

You learn a lot

A chameleon's superpower

Is very useful

I wish I had a different set, tho

It sucks to change colors

Like a fucking rainbow

No matter how good

They might look

Hanged Man

I smell christmas on my stomach 

Along with a cigarette triad

A hella punk spearmint drink

And a bunch of tiny rageous beefs

That insist on eating my guts out

And I know it's yet october but

I'm Jack Nightmare, the skeleton

A white dust, an empty spirit

The dark flame, for lack of better meaning

A witch or such, if this becomes

Some kind of Halloween Town

An Ace of Hearts

A rolling head, a burning Carrie

A bleeding one

Alice upside down

An ellipse, eclipse

Sally, or Emily, whatever

Elliot, Ash, 

I wanna be Sandy Claws

I wanna win this holiday

Like a God, and make them laugh

But I could never

I cannot feel

Because I'm made of bones

Everything is bone

Is sacrifice

I'm a demolishing tower

I'm helpless

I'm undead

Like Christ