Hybrid

I'm so exhausted

I feel like a rapper

Trying to tell my story

But I miss the beat.

My eyes are closing,

My shoulders weigh over me,

Everything hurts 

On my right side

I think I'm breaking myself in half

One is playing dead

Like a fucking possum

Releasing poison to the air

The other waits to attack

Like a raged tiger

That's been surviving the hunger

For too long

And I don't know which one causes me pain

If had to guess,

I'd say the left one is winning the fight,

And I live in a war.

I had a long day

She calls me to do the minimum

I'm trying hard not to hate myself

And to protect me from the harm

That brings me peace

It's so fucking lonely in this pit

No one to complain to

No one to laugh with

I'm tired of dreaming of him

But it's my best choice 

If there's even one

I feel cut into sharp pieces

I try to pick them up,

Solve the whole mystery of me.

Glitter in my eyes

I'm here again, and I have lots to say

I think I need a girlfriend

Or that I'm going insane

I had a bunch of drinks

I had a bunch of pills

I miss my old medication

I probably need to chill

I know I had enough

But still, I'm trying hard

I wanna write my songs

Like idolized stars

Within four white walls

A woman told me once

Print out the pics of artists

So you'll get thin enough

And I need to be pretty

And I hate being seen

I wanna them all to notice

What I have in me

But then again it's useless

Because if someone knew

About the thoughts I hide

I would end up in jail

And I can't tell you why

I misbehave like I should

But I'm not winning it

I don't have a home to go back to

I have a bed to sleep on 

So I close my fucking eyes

And dream like I'm an addict

Whatever world it's that

I think I'm living at it

My mouth is overflowing

The race is cinnamon spice

I swallow every piece

I want to commit crimes

I wish that it had helped me

But I'm still alone

No one will touch my body

I cannot hear a sound

I watch myself dry

I watch myself drown

I have no wins to share

This is all that I own

I pray for it to stop

I pray a pretty image on my mirror

I know I'm not moving around

I have no more excuses

I'm just too tired to try

Anything at all

Vivid Reptile

I have to lower my blood pressure so I can stan you inside my house

Inside my walls, under my sheets

Inside my clothes,

And thoughts

Like a parasite

Like you call me

And I believe it

But then again, 

I have no other source

I have to pour down one of my drinks

Swallow

With my clogged throat

And still try to empathize

While holding my knife

Close to my hips

Against my chest

As if I was trying to tear myself apart

From the inside

I guess my heart isn't as spiky

As my skin

And it shows

From my voice tone

From the way I move

For the way I breathe

Trying not to steal your air

Suffocating beneath you

Buried six feet

Under concrete

I guess I never realized

The cage I live in is self made 

I made it all of walls

So I could not escape 

'Cause I'm a snake

And who know I may bite

Once I manage to get out

I try to choke

I try to hibernate

Simulate deaths

Virtual Reality trips

I try not to be awake

Or aware that you're a real person

While I silently poin all my fingers to you

And pray to god that you stay being my devil

Otherwise I would have to blame myself

And I'm barely alive

Or I'm just saying that

Because I want your pity

I don't know what's real anymore

I stuff my mouth wilh pills

Hope it works fast

Set myself on fire

Freeze to an ice stone

It's been long since I've been a human

More than just a body

Maybe it was on a past life.