Smoke sick

They say
My lungs are screwed.
Is it because
I smoked
So many cigarettes
With you?
Is it a sign
Of my disgrace?

Am I insane
To say
I miss you so damn much
It made me sick?

They say
I'm pneumonic.
Do you think
I might be dying?
What a lovely way to die.
Don't you think?
Intoxicated
With hope.

It hurts a little
To cough.
They seem so worried.
I'm on fever.
I ain't the best season
To be alive.

Wherever you are,
You're probably
Sucking a cigarette.
I can't, because
Of this weak and sick
Body of mine.
I can barely breathe,
But that's fine.

I rather hurt myself
Than see you hurt.
I rather kill myself
Than see you hurt.