I wonder
What my mom would do
If she realized
The amount of money
I've been spending
Trying to be near you
Trying to compensate
For your absence
Trying to rehab.
I don't understand you
I never did
And likely I never will
I try to code you
To translate your actions
Your moving pictures
Your secret messages
That you may not even be aware
To be sharing;
I'm used to decrypt
All sorts of people
But you're different.
And I wanna know
What is in your shadows
Why do you play me
What do you do it for
I try to make you songs
I try to write you something
Because shutting myself up
Has been a tough task
I think of paintings
I think of you
I wanna lay myself on your lap
Like you're my older brother
Like I belong to you
But we can't speak to each other
Not that we don't try
It's just that we lack the tools
I don't know how
How to
How to
Visit you
Or
To allow you in.
I don't know how
To process
What you say to me
What you do to me
I simply don't know.
You make me anxious
You make me lonely
And maybe
You're not even making anything
I think I'm doing it
All by myself
You may have not spoken to me
Not a single sentence
I don't think
You ever introduced yourself
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