To put on a mask
To perform a whole act
To pretend that I'm not
Even though I very clearly am
Because of what people would say
Not about me
I didn't care
About her
And I cared about what she said
Because she taught me to care
About that
And many other useless worries
That she nurtured inside me
Still does
She taught me how to be
Someone I'm not
And I'd never been
And I never would but
Ended up becoming
Because of her and her claws
And at some point I realized
I couldn't sleep at night
I couldn't hear my thoughts
The whole noise was only their voices
Speaking and speaking over my head
And I didn't know I was a person
It took me a while
To realize I was a person
And what it takes a person to be
Not just exist to please
As a piece of a very comfortable
Furniture
Waiting to be sit on
Stepped on
Pissed over
Like a dog to a light pole
To be used as mold farm
To make people closer to their deaths
I was a flesh
I was a pack of bones
And whatever makes a human a human
I was there
Better saying
I was somewhere
Or even better
That I was
If only getting to that
Was that hard
To begin to think
I was someone to think about
Instead of quick disposal
You can only guess
How hard it would be for me
To find out who I may be
I may not be at all
I'm still reciting to convince myself
To hear my own voice.
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