White

What if I decided

To eat all of my pills at once

Like a pack of candies

I want my brain to be working

ASAP

I want it now

I'm tired of this shit

I'm tired of me

I wanna get thin

I wanna disappear 

I want the world to experience less

Of my body

Of my mind

Of me as a whole

Even though I'm not even close

To be whole

I want to train them

For them to be prepared

Not to cry over my grave

Because even though I would enjoy

the smell of flowers

I would hate the sound of tears

Dropping all over me

I crave for silence 

A silence you can only get

By being either deaf

Or dead

I want to never feel my ears again

I want to communicate, just

Not to absorb

After all I think

I would still be hearing all the voices

Constantly yelling at me

Inside my mind

Or on my throat

I always ask myself on which side I am

But then I realize I'm a bunch of fuckin' people

They just cannot get along with each other

And I get it

The hatred is probably what brings us together

Or the fear

I want to be able to sleep

And wake up without a headache

I want to have lighter dreams

But my pain is endless

It's probably my fault anyways