But then
I'm scared you won't come back
I ask myself, am I afraid
To lose your loveless love?
Or that you might
Drag me with you
Into your grave?
It could be both
You hear my silence
And you shoot me back
Like it's a big offense
You hit me with opinions,
Opinions and more opinions
Like I'd care, like
I wouldn't
Nothing very rational,
It's all just vibes
— God,
I hate your fucking vibes —
You smell of carbon monoxide
For reference, it doesn't;
But that's exactly
What will kill you.
I come around, sweet and fluffy
Like that pillow you end up kicking
To the floor
Because you never use
And it's taking up space
And yet,
It emanates its past,
Proving you wrong.
You build a wall,
One minute, easy to assemble
I know it took a while
But you nailed it,
You found a way to build a fucking wall
But only when I try to reach you.
A masterpiece of abandonment,
One could say.
Resourceful, even.
I sit, mouth open
I wait for directions
Arf, arf
Opinions,
I expect,
But silence.
Dead silence,
I mean,
You move your arm,
Small gesture
Showing me the invisible
Glass, I fail to notice on my own,
(While it's built with intention;)
And then you close the window.
I think,
What am I doing here?
What's my purpose?
Why do I feel at fault
For something I'm not even sure that happened
Why am I standing, watching the silence
The invisible,
Tasting my life
Dripping through my tongue
Wetting the floor
Waiting for me to slip,
and crack my head wide open,
Finally.
Why do I live, if not to die?
You cry,
It hurts my ears
I try to cover them up
Someone demands me to listen
After all,
You need your body-double
Again,
I am expected
To reflect you, as a blank canvas
I'm nothing but refraction
And light doesn't speak.
I am supposed to disarm
The bomb you raised
To become
I am the bomb you've raised to become
But I'm supposed to disarm it
Do you see where I'm going?
There's no exit
There's no "out"
There's no me
Just vibes
Horrible fucking vibes.
