I know you two love me, but your love is not enough for me.

I want someone to know who I am.

Continental Drift

It's been six years, 

but I still miss him;

It's been eleven,

and I still talk about it;

It's one and twelve,

I'm still scared and crying;

30 years,

I regret coming;

It's been 18 years,

The tears are still an ocean, 

Isolating me in a tiny piece of land.

I feel guilty about giving up, but I don't really think I ever truly healed

Pedro Peter Pan

Peter, my Peter Pan

You made me so happy

When you took me to your land

My moss dress 

Matching your green shoes

The light, the bells

I do, I do

I do believe in you

Peter, Peter Pan, my Peter

The kid we would never have

The hope dancing in my mind

The white of that day,

The sparkling night, I fell in love with you

My walls vibration,

You said I was better than you.

You were the first to see

The real me.

Peter, my Peter Pan, Peter

I gave you the name 

She gave to him

It felt more right when it was you.

I painted you in neon colors

I drew your eyes,

And then burned the sheet.

Peten, Pan, my Pete

I know this isn't the last poem that I'll write you

I hope you belonged to me

At least for a little while

You gifted me what I wanted 

You made me real, by stepping into my land

And when it all crashed out, 

When you left me there

Lonely, by your side

My Pan, my Pan, my Peter

I found a sun, in feather

And hiddenly, I named him you

I gave my heart, it flew away with it

And I still hear it beating

3h33 am

All my tears, Pete

All my breaths,

And all my colors 

You're the only thing I ever loved

All I ever wanted

The wonder of my land

And the reason I wear black only

The reason all my paintings come in rainbows,

That everything I make

Is wet and dripping

That I've chosen to dive inside myself

Pan, Peter, my Pan 

I love you still, wherever you are

From the tip of my tongue

To my tainted fingers,

I hope you find me again,

One day. 

Amniotic

I'm not a fish,

But I belong to the water

As the fizz belongs to a soda

As sugar belongs to chocolate, as

A kid belongs to its mother 

I am not a kid, but I belong to the latter

And like cigs belong to a father,

To me belongs my neverborn brother

To whom I never hissed

Who I never kissed

Who I never missed

Nor wished to exist

I'm not a fish

Nor do I live in the water

But through the water I came

And from the water I am

And without me, she would have been another

Therefore to me, 

Also belongs the water

the neverborn

I think I loved him more

Than I ever loved myself

But maybe even so

In him I saw me too

In another name

In another brain

In another way

What I would have been

If I hadn't seen

If life had never really happened to me

I'm proud of you. I hope she will be proud of me too.

Zero

I only wanted for my friends to meet each other

You two matched so well

In a way that I could never

And you destroyed yourselves so well

And it was my fault

I brought us to destruction

I didn't mean to

I didn't mean to kill your mother

I only wanted for my friends to meet each other

And you did

Now, I know neither

Not anymore.

Tequila envelhecida

Me doi uma dor de ter perdido alguém 

De ter perdido algo 

Um luto profundo e duradouro

Às vezes penso, me pergunto

Se fui eu que morri

E como poderia amar-me tanto

Que tal morte me dilacerou por completo

E então penso, quando, onde?

Tento recuperar fotografias,

Bordados, cheiros de mofo, 

Cheiros de passado,

Os brinquedos que sumiram,

As coisas jogadas fora,

O que queimou no fogo,

E o que morreu afogado

Talvez eu tenha tempo demais

Ou talvez eu esteja pra além

De algo a ser salvo

Quanto mais vasculho, reviro

O sótão e os livros velhos

O cheiro de poeira e ácaro,

O cheiro de metal e água

Eu sei que há rastros 

Que alguém viveu

E o tempo devorou

Feito fogo engolindo florestas

Eu penso no que sobrou

E se eu tenho como encontrar a trilha

Mas é inevitável perder-se

Com tantas falhas, com tantas placas derrubadas

Com tantas marcas no chão; e tantas que seguiram a direção errada

Quanto mais falhas, maior a falta

Quanto mais procuro, mais cavo

E a dor se espalha por mim

Como um veneno, septicemia

Algo que borbulha minhas veias por dentro

E fisga meus órgãos como uma adaga

Eu tento segurar firme em minhas próprias mãos

E continuar buscando

Se eu parar, tenho medo

Do que me sobraria

Do que eu poderia fazer

Tenho medo

Do que vai acontecer se eu continuar procurando

Se eu encontrar

Se não encontrar

O mistério me come viva

O que ainda me restou pra ser

No fim do dia

Quando eu escuto minha voz

Quando eu escuto as várias

Eu sei

Que nada no mundo é maior 

Que minha solidão

Mesmo que o silêncio nunca venha

Ela vai me matar de qualquer jeito

O fim do dia me traz

A esperança de findar também

it'll eat me up alive

I try to freeze the flames

That corrode me inside out

But the ice cream melts

As soon as it touches my skin

I'm safe in here, if I go out, the blades will cut me

people are silhouettes, 

people are shadows,

they're not real,

no one is

I am...

something

too old to be happy, too young to be dead

I'm not her, I wasn't born

When I first opened my eyes

I looked at you,

And you passed out

I wonder if it was right then

That you figured out, 

I was sent to be the end of you

You shot me in the dark

I tried to hold your hand

And ask you for help

Hoping that you'd hold me tight 

But you pulled the trigger instead.

You look at me

Like I'm not supposed to be

Like it's me vs you

But I didn't come, only to become

The hug of a coffin

And the dirt that'll cover up your grave.

I wasn't born as a fire

To burn you to ashes,

And weight you into the depths of the ocean

When I opened my eyes

Yet before I was blind

I tried to love you

But you loved the idea of death

Way too much, 

To let me be

Anyone else.

If I ever was

If I ever were to kill myself

I wouldn't tell you

I wouldn't write a letter

I wouldn't say goodbye

I would just 

Vanish

And hope that you'd forget

I ever was

Mirror, mirror, anyone but yours

I'm happy when you're gone

But then 

I'm scared you won't come back

I ask myself, am I afraid 

To lose your loveless love?

Or that you might

Drag me with you 

Into your grave?

It could be both

You hear my silence

And you shoot me back

Like it's a big offense

You hit me with opinions,

Opinions and more opinions

Like I'd care, like

I wouldn't 

Nothing very rational,

It's all just vibes 

— God,

I hate your fucking vibes —

You smell of carbon monoxide

For reference, it doesn't;

But that's exactly

What will kill you.

I come around, sweet and fluffy

Like that pillow you end up kicking

To the floor

Because you never use

And it's taking up space

And yet,

It emanates its past,

Proving you wrong.

You build a wall,

One minute, easy to assemble 

I know it took a while

But you nailed it,

You found a way to build a fucking wall

But only when I try to reach you.

A masterpiece of abandonment, 

One could say.

Resourceful, even.

I sit, mouth open

I wait for directions

Arf, arf

Opinions,

I expect,

But silence.

Dead silence, 

I mean,

You move your arm,

Small gesture

Showing me the invisible

Glass, I fail to notice on my own,

(While it's built with intention;)

And then you close the window.

I think, 

What am I doing here?

What's my purpose?

Why do I feel at fault

For something I'm not even sure that happened

Why am I standing, watching the silence

The invisible,

Tasting my life 

Dripping through my tongue

Wetting the floor

Waiting for me to slip, 

and crack my head wide open,

Finally.

Why do I live, if not to die?

You cry,

It hurts my ears

I try to cover them up

Someone demands me to listen

After all,

You need your body-double

Again, 

I am expected

To reflect you, as a blank canvas

I'm nothing but refraction

And light doesn't speak.

I am supposed to disarm

The bomb you raised

To become

I am the bomb you've raised to become

But I'm supposed to disarm it

Do you see where I'm going?

There's no exit

There's no "out"

There's no me

Just vibes

Horrible fucking vibes.

I never meant for you to starve

Hoje é dia de polícia e ladrão

I'll let you out of the cage,

But if you run, I'll hunt you down

Eu não gosto de ser policial

But I need to keep us safe

Still, you deserve some sun

And you deserve some cake

Mother's day is coming, 

Happy birthday,

I'm still trying my best

Mesmo sendo obrigado

A ser o carcereiro.

Thankful

I wish I could be thankful

But you made it so hard for me

How could I thank someone

Who puts their life in danger

Choosingly, and repeatedly

And blames it on me?

I never asked for any of this

You chose for yourself

And for me

You chose for us both

To die.

Bees can fly

Don't tell my mom, 

but my bee is dirty.

Don't tell my friends, 

but my bee is dirty. 

You don't need to tell, 

hide it from your pals,

You don't need to shout out 

"her bee is dirty!"

Don't tell your stepdad, 

much less his daughter

You don't need to bother

About whose bee's dirty

Please, don't tell your wife,

Your shrink or some guy

Delete it from your drive

If you wrote about it.

Keep it safe and sound,

Never talk about,

Don't ever confess

About it being dirty.

Take it to the ground,

When they cry around,

And never recall

You forgot about it.

As for me, I won't 

Ever tell someone

Not even myself

But my bee is dirty.

Para Você

Sei que estou louca

Quando me pergunto

Quem eu gostaria de ser

Se fosse para você

E como eu nunca vou te conhecer

Quem eu gostaria de ser

Se fosse para mim