Fun

I've been fighting.
I promise you,
I've been fighting.
Trying to ignore
The force that pushes me down.
Trying to forget
That abscence that wishes me to drown.
The living voice
Inside my head
Keeps whispering for me
And you know what it says.
I repeat, tediously.
But I love him.
It will be fine, it will.
I promise you,
I'm making my biggest effort
Like I haven't for a very long time.
Solving my problems,
Fixing myself,
Trying to be pretty and get better.
You are the reason why I want to do it.
But I still feel lonely.
And I just
Can't
      R e a c h
                                                           You.
Everyday, I wake up.
I feel like crying,
Try to lie about it.
Soon enough I find a reason
To smile.
Keep telling myself
All the good things I had in my day.
Your name slips into my breath
And it gets slow. Heavy. Love.
I'm very lucky
Because I have all this.
I know I am.
And I feel lonely.

I must survive for at least
Thirty days.
Almost there.