My lips are white
I force myself to cum
So I can cry
I burn and freeze myself
So I can feel alive
My thumb is bleeding
And I pretend not to know
How that ended up happening
But that's classic me, ain't it?
Why do I keep torturing me like that?
Why am I always the one to blame
For every little pain
My stomach aches
I feel like I'm dying
My forehead fevers
And I lay my neck on ice
I try to freeze myself from the inside
But it doesn't work
I fill my mouth hole
With a bunch of pills
Desperate
Begging for it to stop
Is not as much about the pain
As it is for the fear and humiliation
For the panic of feeling dirty
Of feeling homeless
Of the guilt that's physically eating me up
What did I do wrong this time?
What did I do wrong this time?
Where did I do wrong this time?
Why the fuck am I being PUNISHED?!
Why was I left alone to die
Since I was 10
Why is there no hope to ever feel loved
Taken care of
Why will no one ever listen
To whatever obvious shit I have to say
Why do they never care?
I drown in questions
As always
I drown in pain
In concrete
I try everything I can
To make it stop
Like a goddamn maniac
Please just hate me
I hate breeding hope
Like a sort of trashy weed tea
I hate watching myself running against the cars
Over and over
Over and over
And with the expectation to be under
To be no more
To be nothing but a pile of flash
Dropping blood on the asphalt
Messing up the transit
Fucking everyone's lives
But for the last time
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