Nos dois pés

Procuro uma roupa qualquer
Na pilha sobre a cama
Adquiri o hábito
De não pentear o cabelo
Não é como se o meu dia
Fosse relevante para alguém
Mas há dias em que eu queria ser lida.

Me disseram que meus textos mudaram
Não sei exatamente como, nem onde
Sei que mudaram
E como o meu capim-limão está morrendo,
Por descaso,
Talvez eu também esteja
Também por descaso, talvez,
Eu cresci.

Eu nunca escolhi direito estar aqui
Acordar de manhã pra ir à faculdade
Sentir uma fome que nunca passa
Nem com náuseas
Eu nunca escolhi ter que lutar
Todos os dias pra poder me suportar
E essa dor desesperada
Que não passa um dia
Sem vir me visitar

Mas eu escolho levantar
Mesmo contabilizando as perdas
Mesmo sabendo que a cada dia
Eu sou menos eu
E mais essa coisa,
Que toma conta de mim
Eu não sou eu.

Há uma força em mim pulsante
Grita para que eu me jogue
Meu corpo treme
Minha mente faz protesto
E me nega o resto
Eu preciso ir em direção ao que me assusta
É como aceitar a morte
É a única maneira de amar alguém.

Coragem,
Alguém diz.
Eu não conheço a voz,
Eu devo confiar?
Coragem.
Eu preciso levantar
E sair de casa.
Eu preciso amar alguém
Se eu quiser que faça sentido.
Coragem.
Eu preciso me suportar,
Se não ninguém mais vai.

Sozinha eu morro.

Belonging

It takes me by the hand
And puts me in a cage.
Stay! It says,
But I can't stand
And I'm in rage.

Your two long arms
I have to melt.
Put them on fire.
Your voice and charms,
Do never help me,
I'm a liar.

I must repeat:
I have to wait,
But you're my bait.
I can't admit
You are so far away
From me.
And I must pray
For you to be
By my side.

No, I don't want to hide
My feelings, like you do.
I understand it, and I feel it for you too.

You are my little light of hope.
And I am dope
But, In a minute,
I'll explode.
Because I love you.
Oh, I love you, darling.
I crave for you
And sometimes it takes my breath away,
And I can't breathe.
And you hold my lungs
Right there inside your chest.
I know I'm mad.
Oh, but I love you.
I love you.

So, it takes me.
My air and soul and all.
And puts me in a cage
So, I can't fall
In love, I think.
But I don't wanna be safe.
I only want to be yours.

Should be asleep.

I don't wanna leave you.
I'm affraid to blink my eyes
And miss it.
The moment, the place,
This reality of ours,
Where everything feels nice.
I don't wanna lose you.
I don't wanna have to come back
And find you crying on my
Front door:
What should I do?
I can't help you.
I can't hold you in my arms
And say that everything is going
To be fine.
I can't kiss you.
I can't sleep, I can't leave you.
I don't wanna live again
That little hell you've met.
I don't wanna be there but I am sick.
I know I am.
I think you are too.
So I can't just go and leave you here alone.
Because I love you.
And I have to sleep with you lost in my arms.
So I know you'll be safe.
So I know it'll be fine.
So I won't have to look for you
In the morning.
I have to pretend
You're here with me.
Sleeping in my heart
Making it beat.

Sanity

In all the madness in which I drown everyday,
I found you.
When I'm about to lose my mind again,
I call you.
And you or them may say that if I am isane,
I shouldn't love you.
Or maybe that I shouldn'd say your name
Over and over again when I'm in pain,
But I love you.

You found me.
You saw me.

And besides the fact
That I am always scared
Of everything
Even from you,
You love me.

You are my home.

A rua e a cama

O vento cantou
No gargalo da minha garrafa
Minha mão esquerda doía
De tanto tocar aquela música
Pra você não ouvir
Você tentou falar comigo
E eu não sabia o que dizer
Mas ela insistiu, ela insistiu
E eu me deitei aqui pra morrer

Dizem
Que a depressao te prende na cama
Eu tenho, eu tenho esse sintoma
Dizem que voce chora
Sem razao,
Mas eu sempre encontro uma razao,
Percebe?
E eu tenho outras coisas
Um corpo que treme, enfraquece
Um medo absurdo de gente
Que não me fez nada
Nem pretende
O que é que tá acontecendo comigo?
Eu tô perdida aqui, eu tô perdida

Eu queria não ter te machucado
Eu queria não ter que pensar
Em como minha mãe vai ficar
Quando eu roubar os remédios dela
E me encher de vodca
E nunca mais acordar
Eu queria não ter que abandonar ninguém
Eu queria querer estar aqui

Mas tudo que eu faço
Todas as vezes em que eu acordo
Ou fico de pé
É pensar e pensar
Sobre tudo que tenho feito mal
Sobre o tempo que não para de passar
E quanto tempo vai levar
Até eu surtar de novo
Até eu pedir socorro
Até isso tudo acabar

Incoerência n°6

Os meses correm
As semanas morrem
E eu ainda estou aqui
Com você.

As noites choram
O sol grita com o asfalto
Como de costume
E contra tudo que é mais sagrado
Eu ainda estou aqui
Com você.

O teu nome
Que eu ainda acho lindo
Ecoa no meu travesseiro sempre
E quando perco a fala,
O rumo, pois estou doente,
Você ainda está
Aqui comigo.
Você.

Os olhos ardem,
Os diálogos se afiam
Uns nos outros,
Se aprontam
Pra rasgarem o silêncio
Que eu construo.
Os meus muros são fortes
Pra te proteger

De
    sa
         ba.

O escuro soluça e molha
Pra calar o caos
Que aqui se estabelece
E antes de adormecer
Eu penso em você.
Eu ainda te amo
E ainda estou aqui.

Five secs of silence

Didn't brush my hair,
I had no time.
Left home wondering:
Will I need my sunglasses
To cry this morning?
It was expected to be a long day.
I had like twenty voices
Screaming in a chorus
"It's a lie!"
But there was nothing I could do.

Lost my train to help a random woman.
Was good at finding things,
I told her.
What about a purpose?
It doesn't matter, I repeated.
It didn't matter, I was fine.

Kept walking
Alone,
Took another train,
Ate what I shouldn't.
Life was individual.
Romance was a farce.
I knew what I was doing
All that time.

And I was faithless,
But great.

Daydreamer - Adele (adapted)

Daydreamer
Sittin' on the sea
Soaking up the sun
She is a real lover
Makin' up the past
And feeling up her boy
Like she's never felt
His figure before

A jaw dropper
Looks good when she walks
She is the subject of their talk
She would be hard to chase
But good to catch
And she could change the world
With her hands
Behind her back, oh

You can find her
Sittin' on your doorstep
Waiting for a surprise
It will feel like
She's been there for hours
And you can tell
That she'll be there for life

Daydreamer
With eyes that make you melt
She lends her coat for shelter
Plus she's there for you
When she shouldn't be
But she stays all the same
Waits for you
And then sees you through

There's no way
I could describe her
All I said is
Just what I'm hoping for

But I will find her
Sittin' on my doorstep
Waiting for a surprise
It will feel
Like she's been
There for hours
And I can tell that
She'll be there for life
And I can tell that
She'll be there for life

Sweet november, don't fuck with me.

Dark Day

One day,
Not to say which
Or how many,
I fed myself with darkness.

It felt great.

I had to spend my whole life
Trying to relearn
The fact that I was
Immutably and
Absolutely
Alone.

It can be tough.

Nobody wants to accept
Their frustrated 
And unceasing need 
For a company.

But I never believed 
That lying to myself
Was going to solve 
Any of my problems.

I was born with a louder
Conscience than the rest,
I think.

I didn’t mean more ethical
Or even more inteligent.
The fact is that everytime I know
Or believe in something,
It screams inside of me.

I wasn’t gifted
With the power
To pretend to be
Someone I am not.

So, in a determined point
Of my definitely finite life,
I accepted the darkness.

It was supposed to be a piece
Inside of each one of us.
Maybe only inside of me.

In the end, 
That difference 
Didn’t quite matter.
Since it was there
And I could feel it,
It was real.

And at this moment,
When I accepted who I was,
I felt free.

And there, 
While embracing 
My own darkness,
I was complete.