Bad look

Didn't smoke a cigarette
I ate instead
A lot, a lot
I'm getting fat
Not that I don't like
My big boobs or ass
Not that I like my skin or my face
I don't eat because I have to
I don't have the genetics
This is a disease
Emocional one
I don't smoke
And I don't cut myself but
I miss a good night sleep
And I eat till I wanna puke
It is psychological
I have no place left
To be safe into
I can't help myself
I just want a little happiness,
You know?
I try to be a kid again
Eating my mother's cooking
Laughing everytime
But I feel hopeless
And sick
Intoxicated
With everything I put
Inside my mouth
I don't drink
I don't scream
I don't freak out
I'm imploding
Trying to be the good girl
I've never been, actually
Pretending I'm someone
I'll never be