And I forgot
About the spikes on my skin
About the soft spot on my back
That makes me crawl
About the soft spot on my heart
(That one was rough)
But then I got my ECT
Then they pinned me on a bed
(Not the way you thought)
Like a paper note on a corkboard
And it hurt like hell
But I kinda liked it
And then I got out
In a light breeze,
And I got punched in the gut
Right on my biggest trauma
And even the panic state
I entered in that moment,
Pondering about
Taking my body to the
middle of the street
(Waiting for a car strike)
And even my right knee
Giving signs of my white strands
It didn't hurt as half
As realizing
That knowing I'm loved
It's completely pointless
Outside the fantasy
Of being held on one's arms
Or being gently led
Into an extreme clímax
About falling apart
And having hands over my throat
And some soft talk
It doesn't matter
When any of that cannot be accomplished
I can feel my core
Getting empty and empty
Like a dehydrating plant
Forgotten in time
I can feel all my hopes leaking
Day by day,
Going down the drain,
While I realize
Happiness is not an option
And will never be
I guess I'm lucky
If I don't starve to death
Due to the current circumstances
I'm doing my best
to live another day
But I don't even want to
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