And taste trauma
A bug tries to crawl me
And I'm begging not to cry
'Cause I don't know if
I'm able to stop
I'm trying to figure out
Why do I always leave pieces of me
Hidden as a riddle's prize
As if my worst rival knew my address
And kept sending me those creepy gifts
From the past
I feel like I'm time traveling,
Again,
But it's not like I have a sense of time
And I don't even know who I'm talking to, but
They want me to know who they are
And I'm so tired of communicating
I just need some time alone
I'm so exhausted
From this never ending party
From this restless gathering
I'm tired from being always the old one
The lonely one
The silent one
The one that has to shut them up
And give them a lap to cry on
I miss him,
Like I miss myself
Like I miss a sense of purpose
Or some reality version
To believe in
I miss him
Like I miss having parents
Or the one's I made up in my head
When I was 4 to 10
I miss the boy that I had faith in
Like a sort of Jesus Christ
To save me from my current hell
I miss him
Like I miss my hope and thoughts of happiness
Like I miss enjoying an egg shaped chocolate
At april
But in July
I miss him
Like I miss thinking Santa
Was a real figure
Like I miss believing that someone loved me enough
To pay me a visit
Just to leave presents
For me to open
I miss believing in a french toast
And decorating a christmas tree
Made of plastic, and love
I miss the smell of air conditioner
That worked on water
While I slept on the floor
Over my mattress
With my blue blanket
And my naivety
I miss him
Like I miss a bird
Like I miss a lover
Like I miss my mom
Like I miss being loved
By someone
Or pretending to
And his empty image in my mind
His gray and yellow ghost
Is the only thing still keeping me alive.
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