Quero Ele (edit)

Te quero fraco,

Taciturno, deplorável

No meu colo,

Miserável,

No meu peito

Sufocando ao soluçar

Sem caminho

E sem ninguém

Para chamar de lar

Te quero fraco

Com rezas infantis

E rimas rasas

Insatisfeito

E com reclamações ingratas

Te quero com olhos fundos

E afogados

Te quero meu

Te quero um breu

Perdido para nunca mais voltar

Quando eu pedir,

Se implorar,

Te quero preparado pra pular

Te quero fraco

Completamente entregue

Aos meus caprichos

Te quero adestrável

Como os bichos

Te quero encarcerado no convés

Te quero fraco

Os versos dos homens fortes

Não me cabem

Os gestos dos outros homens

Só me ardem

Te quero derramado nos meus pés

Four Walls Gambling

If I had a house

I'd piss on each and

every corner of it

Like a spraying cat

To show it is mine

If I had a house 

All my birbs would sleep

And live through my schedule

And with that

I wouldn't need friends anymore

If I had a house

I would DIY a bathtub

And drown all my bathroom tiles

And just live with the mold

If I had a house

I would keep my head safe

With well tied plastic bags

And no one to hear me scream

If I had a house

I would take slices of me

And keep my knives sharpened

And breathe only smoke

Before putting out my cigarettes

On my human skin ashtray

If I had a house 

I would spend whole weeks without eating

I would drink only water

And pass out

Several times a day

I would embrace the silence

Besides the birds yelling

And the chaos consuming me

Would feel as sweet as a grave

If I had a house

I would tear it down

I would live in disease

And rule daily games

With myself

Just to keep myself

Entertained 

If I had a house

I would be free to hate you

To hate them

And to 

Joyfully 

Hate myself

Pink

I get to know you

Like you're a friend I just made

I force you into me

And choke you between my legs

I hope you'll be strong enough

To help me erase it all

I realize I'm kinda broken

As if it's new info

I just acquired 

You're sweeter

Than all of those weirdos

I've met in the past

And who I opened up to

But still I have cramps

I'm kinda disappointed 

That you cannot hit me

Or suffocate me on my 

Overheated

Pillow case

I could do it myself tho

But I'm tired

Too tired to play those games

And I think I'm getting too old

To do it, anyways 

You're fun, but not as much as 

I expected

I wonder if I'm still able to

Amuse myself

I don't think so

You look pretty

You feel smooth

So why am I still aching?

Why can't it ever be enough?

I need to have a house 

For myself

I need the silence

The loneliness

And the delusion that comes with it

Did you know pink 

It's a psychotic color?

I guess it says a lot

About where I am

Swimming in the open sea

I tried to leave the island

And now I can't come back

You're my canoe I guess

But I'm leaking through you

Built-in Obsolescence

I cum and shake

Like I'm a fucking doll

Like I'm dull and built

With a vibrating device attached

I came with it from the store

I suffocate my screaming

In my elderly pillow

I taste the pillowcase

I'm hungry and empty

I'm inflatable so that makes sense

You have to fill me up 

So you can see the holes

Properly

So you can ruin me 

Properly

Just blow me up and see

Is it an invitation?

It's not like you have to pay

Or anything

For the visit, for the tour

I'm a theme park

And you know what's the theme here

I think of you

While I fuck myself

And the sorrow

Enters me with fingers

Being lonely is

The only place I know

My bed is cold

Even when it's heated

I can only stand cold,

You'll figure it out

I wanna rage about it

I want to kick you 

Outside

Of my body

Of my brains

Of my spirit

But you're the carbon 

That I force into my lungs

The same way

I used to swallow your pride

A candy for an anorexic

The biggest meal of the day

I drink some water

And try to pretend

That I'm not disposable

That I can feel anything

But I'm a blow-up doll, 

Sweetie

I taste like candy and abuse

You cannot tell I smoked

But you can tell a bunch of monsters

Have visited me

Well, It's kind of a free ride

If you know what I mean

So jump on it already

Play with me

And throw me in the garbage

When the air starts leaking

Once you're no longer able

To get any pleasure in me

Trigger

I was gonna ask you for some candy

Well, nevermind

I feel like you've been fooling me

Like, why would anyone ask

If I'm okay?

That doesn't sound straight

I'm not okay

Wasn't yesterday

And also not today

Won't be tomorrow either

Why bother to ask me?

No one will hug me

And anyway 

I don't want anyone touching me

Not in that weather

I just wanna take a fucking shower 

So I can go out and smoke some

And then come back and take another one

So I can pretend that I sleep

Like a regular human being

Why am trying to reach for you?

Why and what do I expect?

What do I wish for?

I just want a father;

A mother

Someone to love me, for real

Someone to give me presents

Someone to protect me from starving

They don't know how to do that

They do their best

Their best is not nearly enough 

I wanna go out

Cut my legs while it's night

Feel the breeze refreshing my blood

I wanna take a bunch of pills

And give up

Of being alive

Add a tekilla dose

Whatever gets me away from myself

I'm so exhausted of not understanting

My own thoughts 

These voices don't make sense

They do not let me tolerate my body

Please put me out of my pain

Just take the fucking shower 

So I can take mine

I'm about to do something stupid

SO stupid

I don't wanna be alive

And I can't stand 

I can't stand it

I cannot even say it

Just shut the fucking mouth

And end this thing already

Todos os meus textos são tristes

Eu não quero ficar só

Ou melhor,

Eu quero você

Quer dizer,

Você está cansado

Eu sei que não é de mim

Mas deveria ser

Eu sinto que devia lamentar

A sua partida

Mas você ainda não foi

Ainda

Como posso reclamar pra você

Da falta que você vai fazer

Quando for embora?

E sobre o buraco

Que você me cava 

Dia após dia

Remoendo os ossos

De minhas vidas passadas

Eu estou cansada

De você, de mim

Dos que me pariram,

De todos os meus amigos

Se é que eu ainda tenho amigos

Se é que ainda sei fazer isso

Eu odeio o compromisso

De qualquer relação

Eu queria que você me tocasse

Me tirasse do vazio imenso

No qual eu vivo sempre

Numa queda infinita

Que não doi, 

Por nunca chegar ao chão

Eu estou escrevendo

Quase como você

E minhas vozes estão todas amordaçadas

Mas isso não as impede de gritar

E gritar

E gritar

E chutar você pra fora de casa

Um intruso e não uma visita

Eu nunca aceito visitas na minha ilha

Visitas fazem bagunça demais

Vá embora.

The Night they Locked me in

I paint my nails black

With a bit of sparkle

I paint my lips red

Conscious of the fading

I breathe smoke and beer

Instead of drinking water

Hoping 

In my wildest of dreams

To be yours.

I am aware that my favorite shirt

Isn't even mine

And I'm aware

That I do not want you

As I love to pretend to

But when I lay my body

Over this exhausted bed

I pray to dream of you

Or else,

Or else.

I teach you

How to be alone

As if I could practice it

But I'm a liar

I steal you more and more

But reality kicks in

And throws me at the avenue

I hope there's some traffic.

I feel nice

I look gorgeous

The male eyes desire me 

Like a meat piece of high quality

I sense myself celebrating

To the air

And I hear the constant

Terrified screams.

I try to be 

Something that you'd wish for

I try to be your mother,

Your therapist, your dream

I try to be your mistress and your kid

I try to be you.

And my hopes go up and up

And I know what that means

I wear my black T-shirt

Christmas is a grieving event

I realized recently 

That I don't have any friends

And I don't hope to have them anymore

I only wait

For her to come pick me up from school.

I think they left me there.

PARE

Pare

Interrompa o amor

Pare 

De me dirigir a palavra

Pare

De existir em minha vida

Vire a esquina

E siga

Eu não tenho espaço

Para ser amada

Eu não tenho tempo

Para suas poesias

Eu não tenho espaço

Para nada

Para mais ninguém

Além de mim

Pare

Finalize a história

Ponha um ponto

E feche a contra-capa

Mude o endereço

Da sua entrega

Não me dê presentes

Ou tua presença escassa

Pare

De dizer meu nome

E me enviar convites

Como fosse eu pessoa,

Gente

E não uma indigente

Uma maçã devorada

Um bagaço

Do que alguém deveria ser

Pare de me escrever

E pare com o canto

Quero silêncio na minha lápide

É o mínimo

Que te pode pedir um morto

Não te peço lágrimas

Nem alegria falsa 

Só te peço que pare

Pare de estar comigo

De me plantar um vazio

Em meu mais amargo âmago

Pare

De ser a semente

Do meu declínio

E do meu colapso

Pare de tecer o meu fracasso

Sei que vai sapatear

Sobre o oco

De meu teto

Sete palmos abaixo

Enquanto eu me despeço

De meus ossos

Pare

Respeite meu último pedido

Um único que seja

Pare

E vá embora.

Qual um obituário

Que vida é essa que me tem

Que me sova

Que me rasga

Que me embebe

E que me enxágua

Que me recorta e assa

Que me queima as bordas

E me despeja na lata

Que sonho foi

Que um dia tive

De ver o dia brilhar

E à noite admirar estrelas

Que felicidade

Que um dia pensei que havia

Que haveria

E quem eu calculei que seria

Aos passos do calendário

Quando foi que tudo

Virou-se ao contrário

Que avesso ao qual

Eu mereço e pertenço

E quanto tempo

Eu ainda tenho

E quais pedaços

Ainda não perecem

Sob o sol e ar seco

Sob o mofo do meu teto

Quais palavras me restam

Para compor este texto

E quanta dor

Ainda me guarda

Para descartar-me aos poucos

Qual o último pedido

Que eu nem sequer faço

Se não que seja finito

Todo o céu e o fato:

Dezembro está por perto

É um péssimo retrato

Attachment

Are you my friend?

I'm scared to ask

I take you out

Inside my head

We go to a bar

Table and chairs outside

There's a guitar and a singer somewhere near

We ask for some french fries

I drink a can of guarana soda

And unrap a new pack of cigs

The night will take so long to end

Because my watch's not working

Dew covers us

I feel happy and fulfilled 

I take a blue pen out of my purse

Start making drawings on a napkin

I invite you to play some silly word game with me

And

And then

I lay my head over your arm

Like you're a hammock I just found

Sitting in the dark

Waiting to embrace me

I hear the sounds of the night

Either a beer or an ice cream

I love you and I feel the love

Through my body

Like something I consumed

I wanna sleep between your lungs

So I can hear your heartbeats

Like a lullaby 

I have to close my eyes

To appreciate the moment

But once I do

You disappear

Like a smell I recognize

But don't know where from

Therefore, I cannot name

I remember being happy

Through someone else

But now

Now I'm unplugged.