Disforia

Hoje não fez frio

E eu quis tirar minha pele pra secar

Mas eu não podia

E por mais alienígena que eu fosse

Eu ainda estava presa dentro de mim

Desse corpo

Faz dias que eu não durmo direito

Espero amanhecer

Só me reconheço nela

Em nomes avulsos

Em nomes vários

Menos em mim

E nem tem coerência

Não que isso seja novo

Afinal, é a única invariável

Nesse caos

Saber que sempre vai ter algum paradoxo

Ou variabilidade perpétua 

Dentro da minha cabeça

Mas eu tinha a expectativa 

Esperança

De poder descansar

Mas não consigo

Não dá pra tirar minha pele pra secar

Nem quando não faz frio

E quando faz também

Não dá pra aguentar só com ela por cima

Não é suficiente

Simplesmente não é uma pele adequada para mim

Não é a minha pele

Harlequin

I knew when you attacked me

You could never become the rapist

I'd grown out of every man

I'd water and feed them

Fertilize it, breed it 

Give birth to my own rape

Just so I could feel myself getting hurt

By someone else

Because this was the only kind of love 

I understood

I knew everytime I looked at you

You were not able to do it

And it tricked me 

Because somehow, somewhere

I still desired for it

For you to hurt me

For you to get angry at me

But you couldn't hurt me

You were small.

Way beyond small, 

You were tiny

A little ant

Next to my giantness

And I was your monster.

I'm so sorry about it

I know a lot of it was my fault

And part of it was the reason why 

I was so neglectful 

Because I didn't want you to live that life anymore

I felt like you were having a terrible life with me

I felt responsible for it

And I felt trapped.

I wanted you to feel free

But I didn't want you to die.

I just hoped you could survive on your own

I couldn't.

I think you couldn't either.

That thought frightens me.

You died when you left the house.

I will too.

Aqueles trechos de Elena.

When I looked at you

I could see you would never be able to hurt me

And that made me realize

For the first time

I could love someone

And be safe

And I could trap you

And force you to love me back

Because you had no way out

This sense of confidence

Made me love you so deeply 

You were the most precious thing

Being

Person

The most precious preciosity 

I've ever loved in my life

And just the act of loving you

Was amazing for me

I miss loving you

Being able to love you

Remembering you

I miss you.

You being alive

You being here

You being.

I miss you.

All you were to me.

I'm sorry for everything.

For everything I've done to you.

I will always love you.

Always.

Thank you for your life.

You were a bless to me.

You taught me light.