Smoke sick

They say
My lungs are screwed.
Is it because
I smoked
So many cigarettes
With you?
Is it a sign
Of my disgrace?

Am I insane
To say
I miss you so damn much
It made me sick?

They say
I'm pneumonic.
Do you think
I might be dying?
What a lovely way to die.
Don't you think?
Intoxicated
With hope.

It hurts a little
To cough.
They seem so worried.
I'm on fever.
I ain't the best season
To be alive.

Wherever you are,
You're probably
Sucking a cigarette.
I can't, because
Of this weak and sick
Body of mine.
I can barely breathe,
But that's fine.

I rather hurt myself
Than see you hurt.
I rather kill myself
Than see you hurt.

Starve

Me dê um copo de café.
Uma xícara.
Parei de fumar,
Bem, talvez só na sua frente.
Vai saber.
Mas fuma aí, eu não me importo.
Só me traz o meu café.
Meu coração vai disparar, eu sei.
Mas ele não dispara com qualquer coisa?
Tudo bem se eu queimar minha língua.
Tudo bem se você me machucar.
Não se preocupa,
Esse jogo a gente não vai jogar.
Eu fecho meus olhos,
Engulo tudo.
Talvez eu pinte
Uma ou outra imagem
Perturbadoras.
Talvez eu saia um dia de casa
Sem avisar.
Me dá um balde de café,
Qual é?
Eu sei que você
Vai me negar um cigarro
Porque não aguenta mais
Me ver assim.
Não foi por essa coisa
Que você se apaixonou.
Não se preocupa, não.
É só café.
Não tem que me tocar,
Nem para o bem,
Nem para o mal.
Me deixa aqui.
Se eu não me machucar vai ser melhor.
Não vem.
Aliás,
Não me traz o café.
Não ia matar minha fome.
Não que eu tenha fome de comer.
Eu tenho fome de você,
Mas deixa quieto.
Não quero te devorar.
Faz um café,
Me deixa te cheirar,
E depois que eu dormir,
Tudo vai voltar pro seu lugar.

Calendar

I don't feel like hurting myself today
I just feel like crying,
Depressed anxiety
I promised myself
I wouldn't let those tears come back
But here they are
And I'm on my own again.
I wish I could tell them
It wouldn't make a difference
My world is you
I can't bare this distance
I'm sorry, I wish I was stronger
I wish I was better
Any of this is real
Without you.
I can't even start to think
About working
And I have to go to college tomorrow
My heart is running again
Always in a hurry
To die
But I don't want to leave you
In such a place.
People die outside
They hate and hurt each others
And I can't be in the middle
Oh, I can't, I feel like
I'm about to have a heart attack
Maybe I just need something to calm me down
A drug perhaps
I don't like medicine, but
Maybe I need it.
I thought I could handle this.
Not even you can protect me
And here I am all concerned
About your safety
What can I do in this world?
What can I do?
I'm terrified.
I pretend that any of this exists
So I can breathe a little
So I can sleep at night
And I think of your voice
The only thing that keeps me sane yet
And I close my eyes.
Have a little faith, dear.
Have a little faith.

Strange

I don't remember your smell.
I tried on your clothes,
On your chest.
I can even try to say
I felt it for a second.
Bur I don't remember.
I tried to bring it with me
I couldn't.
I tried to bring you with me
And even got into some fights.
I didn't want to hear
Anyone else voices,
Because they could distract me
From yours.
I remember the way your voice
Vibrates through your chest
But it is fading away.
I remember your eyes
With those wet eyelashes
After I barely drawn you in my shower.
I remember watching you
From so many angles,
Trying to decorate every little piece of you.
I thought I knew you so well
But I can't remember your smell,
And I feel distant.
My heart is yours,
Always yours
But I'm a little lost
In this universe.
You're the only thing
I recognize.

Who is Debra?

Oh, dear.
I'm such a masochist.
I wish I didn't write this text,
But I am so obsessed with you.
It's so poetic.
Oh, darling,
My, darling,
I shouldn't be reading
Any of this.
But, you know me, don't you?
This is who I am.
I've always been like this.
Do you love it all,
Or just a piece of me?
I never meant to hurt you.
I never wished to see your pain
And love it, somehow.
This is me
At my most
Masochistic.
I'm so competitive.
Do you remember her?
I do.
I leave her some respect,
And I must insist.
Was he yours
If he wanted me so bad?
I'm always in a war
Inside myself.
So, I decide to feel it all.
The pain, the love, the pleasure.
I decide to read all of it,
Untill I'm no longer able
To feel my eyes.
It is deep.
I don't want to smoke anymore.

Crash

I woke up at six
Had a dream about us
You were still on my body
I could feel it
I was just trying
To learn how to sleep
I was sick
And I woke up at six
Tired like hell
I love you so,
I love you so.

Deep

There's no dawn
Like this one with you
I'm saying goodbye
And crying
While you're singing
A sad song
Oh, baby
I'll leave half of me
On you
I may be drowning
A little bit
But it will be fine
It will be fine
A cup of coffee
Rihanna
A kiss
I am complete.

Water 2

What is water
Without a giant shadow
And a tied space

What is water
Without a direction
To smile to, or
The warmth of a skin

What is water
Without the laughs
About my pinky hair

What is water
Without those lips
To drown me
On myself?

What is water
Without a black hair
On my eyes
Without a foot
To step on mine
Without someone
To scratch my back
Without two arms
To tie me up?

What am I
Beyond a water drop
Without you?

Uncovered

Your arms around me
And I'm scared
And I can hear the bells
Screaming is time to go
But I don't know
What time is, anymore
I'm about to explode
Silent me, and you around
You hold me and tell
Me to focus on your fingers
Oh, your fingers are heaven but
I can't breathe
You say it's okay
I try to fix everything
Inside my mind
I'm already heavy
I'm terrified
I get some sleep
It takes some time
Again, what is time?
I'm better now
And I see you sleeping by my side
So, I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you
You are mine.

Blanket

Teus fios longos escurecendo
Metade da minha visão
Teus dedos inquietos
Trotando pela minha pele
E meus cabelos cor de rosa
Você soltando fumaça dentro de mim
Teus braços mais suspensos
Que os meus
Me cobrindo feito um cobertor
Você é minha blanket
And, so.
Nosso reflexo incompleto
Zoneados, sonolentos
Você e eu
Na janela da lavanderia
Teus lábios tocando minha testa
Teus lábios abrindo meu olho
Meus lábios nos teus
O que foi?
Olhar hipnotizado
Você, você, você, você
A faixa cor de rosa no espelho
Teu sorriso dopado
Estendido na cama
Coberto de mim
Me cobrindo
E os dedos calmos escorrendo
Pelos meus braços
E pela minha cintura
E por tudo que não é mais meu
É seu.

Tristeza, mea maxima