I ain't your doll

I'm not gonna give you
Reasons to be alive.
I'm not gonna write fun
Stories for you to read.
I'm not gonna paint
Good paintings for you to see.
I'm not gonna give you
Smiles for you to love.

I'm not going to keep
Telling you about
All the beauties around us.
I'm not gonna give you my heart
And I'm not going to be
Hopeful, somehow.

I'm not going to be yours.

I'm not gonna make you laugh.
I'm not gonna hold your head
For you to cry.
I'm not gonna put my arms
Around your sadness.
I'm not going to swallow
All your screams.

I'm not gonna fall in love.
Not again. Not with you.

"Amor Colonizador"

- Tia Ju.

Princess

Every morning, she wears
Her pink cardigan
Tied on her waist,
That is how long
Her black hair goes.
I have my green curls,
A jeans jacket
And weight almost the double.

My fun lately
It's been to choose books
To lend her.
I'm always scared
That she might hate
The endings
That I love.

Somedays, she seems sad.
I ask her out
To have an ice cream,
Or maybe to paint
My coloring book.

I'm always trying
To find fun things to do
And she often distracts me
From my bad thoughts.
It works.

Sometimes,
In the middle of the dawn
We share puppies pictures
With each other.

She reminds me
Of all the important things
I forgot to do
And then I tell her
It's ok not to finish them.

And so we go.

Sunshine

The sun is almost rising
And I've met you, sunshine
With your deep dark stories
With your sweet pair of eyes
I've met you
And beyond my lettuce hair
I see you
As my leo ego
Enjoys itself

Who cares if
The sky decides to cry?
Who cares if
I'm gonna be sick again
Who cares about me?
At least you say
I'm an artist

I like you, sunshine

Ver

Se tivesse ideia
Do que buscam teus olhos
Olhos para quê?
Se eu soubesse
Talvez fechasse os meus
E me dissesse tua
E com olhos fechados
De quem seria afinal?

Not falling appart

I have scars on my left wrist
My hair is green
But what does it mean?
People stare me at the streets

I wish you loved me
And I feel angry
And I feel lonely
And I feel sad

I am still here,
Ain't I?
Fighting for myself
Trying not to die

Why would you care?
Why would you care.

I ruined the poem again.

Break up with me

Please
I don't wanna be your monster
And I don't want to be tortured
Just leave
I feel like
This is the best for you
And you don't want to break your promise
But
You don't want to
Be with me
Just go
I'll cry a little, I know
I'll cry a lot, but
You don't own me nothing
And I am poison to you
Like she used to
I hurt you, baby
And I'm sorry
Maybe I'm selfish
But face the true
I can't make you any good
You deserve better
Than this crap I have to offer
I deserve better
Than being with someone
That doesn't love me
This should end now
I don't mean to hurt you
But don't want to wait to suffer
I wanna suffer now
So I can get better soon enough
Find another one,
And mess it up again
I really don't know
What will make you feel worse
Being with me
Breaking up with me
Or me
Breaking up with you
But I don't want this time
I really don't
It is destroying me
I wanna leave
Even if I don't want to hurt you
I wanna leave
And I wanna hear you say
You don't love me
And you never did
So I can give up
Of this insanity

Wrong

I thought I could write a poem
But I couldn't
I often feel
Like I'm about to hurt ya
And I want to
But I won't
I won't, I won't
And I can't blame ya
For not loving me
I can't blame ya
For lying to me
'Cause you just wanted it
To be true
You are an angel
Only a lost boy
Trying to find his way home
And now I have to hurt ya
Not the way I want to
But I have to face this truth
And anyone on earth
Would seem better to you than me
Even her, even she
But this was never about
Any one of them
Maybe not even about
Your untouched body
Or your known craving for affection
That you try to blur
This is about me
Being the wrong girl for you
And I've always been.

Pain

I don't let myself laugh
Today I stood for hours
Without eating
And now I'm nursing
This headache
But won't talk to you
And I think about
Hurting myself
Just a little more
As I enjoy the absence
Of my little blue bird
I can only think
About sadness
Even if I keep
Trying to scape from it
What am I doing?
I just need to feel my pain
Somehow I like it
Don't blame me
I'm just sick
Let me be sick
Selfish and lonely
Self centered and everything
Let me be

Quarta

É quarta-feira, doutor.
Eu penso em você dia e noite.
Hoje eu tenho as costas lanhadas
E dois cortes no pulso.
Nos meus olhos,
Parece que nunca dormi.
O céu parece os meus olhos:
Ora pinga, ora não pinga,
No meio da rua sim,
Mas não no fim.

Half empty cups

You're leaving,

But won't tell me.
So, I scratch myself
A little
And let a pair of tears
Scape from me
In the shower.

You were supposed
To clame for the end,
But won't accept it.

You made a promise.
I remember,
But won't blame you
For telling me the truth.

You were never supposed
To love me.
And now you have to leave.

You should just come
And say it quickly,
In an easy way:
You don't love me
And you never did.

But you do.
And not even if you said it
To yourself
Another hundred times
It would make us
Work ourselves out.

One day we'll sit
One staring at the other
And as a dissatisfaction mirror
We'll say the words:

You don't love me.

And it will be true.

See you later

I kissed you g'night
And went out
Every human in my way
Saw you on me
The sadness
Was melting my face
Not again,
Just for this time
I was in there.

So, I called him
No I didn't
But he wanted to see me
As you didn't
And I was tired
Of crying in the subway
And I was tired
Of fighting
For a lost cause.

Then, for a second
Your existance stopped
Just for a while
'Cause I didn't want to see
Myself hurt
And I got lost into his
Barbwire fingers
And I found safety
In his slippery lips

He was with me
And you were not.

So, I tried to realize
And to accept
Being unloved by you
Wouldn't rip my love too.

I noticed
That I could breathe
Without you
And I knew
I couldn't capture
You inside me.
I had to let you go.
But, did you want to?

He held my head
Right close to his
And said:
You have to wait.
You have to wait.

A tristeza borbulha em mim
Minha pele arde, meus cabelos se arrepiam
Não me resta muita esperança, enfim

What's real and what's not

You don't see
Why your stars ain't real,
That people are good near
And that the more I talk to you,
My hate gets bigger.

You don't see
How wrong it gets,
Why are you so obsessed
- And I could envy and say
That I just wish
I was you favorite play,
But I ain't
And I won't.

You don't see
When your body aches,
When you yell at me
And will never notice
What you admit
Won't get you out,
Won't make you grow.

But, you don't want to see
And I know.

I watch myself
Getting in to pieces
Once again,
And I don't wanna lie:
I love to be here on the floor.
I won't make you any good,
Not anymore.

Then,
For the final act,
I must confess:
What I crave for
It's so huge
You couldn't last.

I close my eyes
And feel my catching fire soul
Picturing my bones as dust
And forgetting you.

Sparkle

My drawn eyes
Stare at the glittering image
And searching
For a brief sign
Of inner peace
They die in there
I kinda hope
To find a place to stay,
To rest
And so I keep
Trying to drown myself
Into
That glittering liquid
The sparkling dust
Dries me
So, I can't cry
But I know
Sadness remains inside
I know that deep enough
I wish to die