Love is not an option

I had to touch myself to sleep
Wake up in time
Do my part
But then, again
I wasn't ready to another day
That daily solitude
Was still there
And aching
Disintegrating my whole self
And I was still
Toxicly in love
With that dirty man
I bet I couldn't bear him
Getting healthy
And everything
I couldn't bear myself either
I'd rather be
Lost in a sickning sea
Than to be alone