'cause I made it freezin' out there;
I fuck myself till I feel all numb
But you know what I really wish for;
Life burns inside of me;
it's nearly 2am, and not three as typical
I listen to Lana or Elena (Maggie actually);
maybe Elliot,
but Miley calls me,
and someone curses me
for not being disciplined about my Poppy prayers.
I feel shattered.
Homeless,
orphaned;
small
And, overall,
Alone.
Adult, messed up, with not a clue of what to do, or where to begin with but, all alone.
For the first time in my life, I feel like
I figured it out
The plans, the tactics, the physics of the main life,
What I must do in order to stay alive,
The research, the day by day work,
the sweat, the difficulty of it all.
But I still feel like I have no reason for it.
Why?
Why would I even bother?
Why do people battle to keep their lives?
What's the fucking point?
I drop caramel of myself
And feel disgusted at it
Why do people do that?
How do people handle themselves?
Their bodies? Their minds?
Their significant others?
How do people mate? How do people meet?
I cover myself in cloth,
Because I have no strength left
To cover myself with water
and soap
/no amounts of soap could heal
this amount of sadness anyway/.
I feel bottom ground
bottom down
bottom dirt
I feel dirt.
If I touch water now I'll turn into mud or some.
It's no longer freezing out there,
It's not like I even bother anymore;
But I'll (try to) sleep in my cloth cocoon
Demi-cold, demi-warm
Fully empty, even stuffed with me in there.
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