Confetti

My pee smells like sugar

I drink soda like my life depends on it

'Cause it feels like it does

And then I spent

An entire night

Wondering

If this is my last day on Earth

Trying to shush my chest

Helplessly

Pointlessly

Because the sun rises and I'm

Still tachycardic

But at least my migraines has been 

Frozen away

I guess

At least

At least

The tiniest of victories

Has to be a win too

Otherwise

Otherwise...

I try to breathe

I try to distract myself from the reloading

Memory effect

Of suffocating out of air

Like a fish caught on a net

Like a baby fish

Because for some reason

I feel like I'm three

No, two

Two and a half

Always the half

I feel tiny

Like the rest of my body is no longer there

Only my heart

Beating

And beating

And BEATING

To explosion

Bursting out of my rib cage

Crushing my chest bones

Into horrible pieces

Leaving me to dust

Like the rest of a dead mermaid

I feel dry

As if I was made of water

And water is being drained out of my body

I try to wet my face

My body

My mouth

I swallow half a bottle of water

The big one, that rests next to my crib

And it feels like someone left me

On a fuckin' desert

I'm about to loose it

I almost get a little thankful

For my life is slipping away from me

But my body won't let me go at peace

I feel dirtsick, nauseous

Dizzy and disoriented

I feel pain

It's taking too long for me to die

And I hate it

I wanted it to be quick

I should have just done it myself.